Rites of Passage

This is not a new debate or discussion by any means, but it is a current interest of mine and they say you should write what you know. Rites of passage have been a part of tribal life for many different peoples. Many rites of passage test the human limit of strength, endurance, and mental anguish, the result of which is acceptance. After a person has been through a rite of passage, there is no doubt in the tribe's collective mind that this person has proved his or her worth. No one questions their validity as a human being and they never have to prove themselves again. They are an accepted part of the tribe.

Some examples:
1. Aborigines go on a Walkabout at adolescence. They go into the outback and survive for up to 6 months. During this time they follow the Songlines, or pathways traveled by their ancestors memorised in song.

2. Vision quests of the Native American tribes

3. Bar Mitzva/Bat Mitzva

4. Genpuku - the Japanese ceremony, previously held only for the nobility and Samurai clans. The boys haircut, clothes and name were exchanged for adult ones.

5. Freemasons: the initiate is blindfolded, taken like a helpless child through a maze of obstacles: he passes through illusionary fire, his arm is pricked and made to feel like it is bleeding profusely. He passes into an inner sanctum and swears to the grand master to protect the secrets of the Freemasons on pain of "having my throat cut across, my tongue torn out by the root and buried in the sand of the sea at low water mark."

6. The Ndembu of Zambia: girls secluded 3 months: communicate with outside only with melodic messages played on a harp-like instrument.

7. The haircut at boot camp in the military

The list goes on and on. Classically, there are 3 steps recognized by sociologists that comprise the rite of passage. 1) the separation from normal life. 2) Liminality - a state when the person is at the threshold and ones identity dissolves. The mind is opened to new possibilities and thoughts. 3) the reincorporation into society with ones new identity.

American culture is said to have many rites of passage: Getting a driver's license, graduation, incorporation into a union or workforce. But I cannot shake the sense that these are not rites of passage that produce the acceptance of the tribe. In fact, many of the rites of passage reflect a particular group: Baptism, Bar Mitzvah, even graduation from college is afforded only a select few.

Then I ask the question: "is it the lack of rites of passage or is it the lack of a tribe?" Many American men go to therapy and are troubled by the fact that they aren't accepted. If you don't believe me, go to a college bar on "Thirsty Thursday" and just observe. Most of the patrons (men and women) are trying their damnedest to get attention and gain acceptance. In order to prove that you are worthy, you can't act like a fag, you gotta hit on women/flirt with men, you gotta sport the right clothes and drink at least your weight in Bud Light and jello shots. And this isn't a one time deal; men (I'm only speaking from my experience) have to constantly have their armor on lest they drop their guard and are branded with the dreaded "fag." My father is once quoted as saying "sometimes I wish I was gay so that I wouldn't have to be so damn worried about being macho all the time." I have repeated this to many homosexual friends and I understand that being homosexual carries its own barrage of complications, especially about acceptance. Even though short sighted, my Dad does make a point.

Is America just too damn big of a culture to have a tribe? Are we so mish-mashed from different cultures that we don't know who to accept and who to boot out? Or have we lost the tribal mentality all together (cuz lets face it: as monkeys, we are a social animal that craves sociologic structure).

According to Robert Bly, because of the Industrial Revolution men went away to work and therefore could not pass on their knowledge to their sons. This led to the male society disappearing. Therefore, males have a harder time learning their roles and seeing how they are needed. What is Manliness? There are websites that try to answer this question (www.artofmanliness.com). But I think we have lost the true meaning of being a man or being a woman. Since the Suffrage period, glass ceiling court cases and sexual revolution, gender roles have been blurred. I believe that there are significant differences between men and women and that we cannot simply shove them aside. This just creates more uncertainty and consequently, angst.

I propose this: Men feel insecure today because their manliness and acceptance in the tribe is always in question. It doesn't matter how great they are at their jobs, how big their penis is, how many children they have. It is always under attack and any chinks in the armor will be exploited.

I believe that rites of passage within a tribe that manifests as unequivocal acceptance
by that tribe endear each person with the confidence and the support to get up in the morning and do what NEEDS TO BE DONE. And I can't think of anything manlier than that.

Personally, I have undergone body piercing, tattooing and branding. As a Sideshow performer, I have lain on a bed of broken glass while performing Acroyoga with my partner, laid on a bed of nails while 300+ lbs have been standing on me, I have driven sewing pins through my skin and subcutaneous tissue without a flinch or (usually) a drop of blood, and I can hammer a 3" nail into my skull via the nose. All of these things have instilled a sense of pride and uniqueness about myself. I am proud of what I have done and what I can do. But I'm going to the bar in a few minutes and you can bet your boots that I'm probably going to have many of the same hangups as every other guy there.

I seem to have digressed into only addressing this from a man's point of view. I'm sorry, ladies, but I have to talk about what I know and I feel it is unfair to say anything from a woman's point of view. However, I suspect that many of these themes are repeated in the female of the species.